Parachute? Nah, I'm Good.

As I was walking out of work tonight I took notice of the clear patch of sky that let the stars poke through and the dampness in the air.  There was faint hint of citronella on the wind and as I walked I closed my eyes and outstretched my arms, breathing deeply. I went back to my summers at The Lost Colony, staying up late, drinking and laying on the spit counting shooting stars. I remembered thinking "God, I really must be the luckiest person alive." The incredible friendships I'd made, both there and elsewhere, the passionate loves I've bounced in and out of, the places I've traveled and all the experiences I've had. I've already had dreams come true and while I've seen just as many things fall apart in my fingers there is nothing that I haven't bounced back from or would trade. 

So it's strange that as I strolled through the night to my car with my mind swimming in my good fortune that I suddenly felt a piercing in my chest. I opened the door and sat down. "I certainly have have had everything so what am I doing now? Honestly Jocelyn, with everything you've done and everything you know, why are you letting yourself be in this position of unhappiness?" Now don't get me wrong, there is certainly no great misfortune in my life. I have a job and I make good money although it is not ideal. I'm in a town that I think I have the potential to adore should I get the chance to experience more of it. I'm dating someone that I am really quite fond of and for the first time in as many years as I can remember my immediate family anyway, is happy and healthy. I guess I would just say that at this state in my life I think that I should be in a career. 

My problem is the same one that has been plaguing me all of my life so you would think that by now I should have learned how to deal with such an impairment. Alas, indecision holds fast to me and I continue to tread water waiting for something that I have not yet identified. My father always recommends that I read those career books. "7 Habits of Highly Effective People?" Sure, if you can't figure out what makes you effective on your own you have some other issues. I tried though...I checked out "What Color is Your Parachute." It comes with statistics about the job market and exercises to help you find your strengths, etc., etc.. And I decided, well this is stupid. I don't need a parachute. I'm not falling out of the sky and I'm certainly not plummeting anywhere. I mean, how half empty can your cup get? Keep your damn parachute, I've got wings. It isn't that I can't find something to do it's that everything looks like the most exciting opportunity ever so I fly over and try it but I don't know where to stop. So my biggest issue  is that the world holds too much potential in my eyes for me to settle on something...could be worse. Although if you know someone that's hiring...